Ok. This is a subject that I feel compelled to speak about, not only because I experience it often, but also because it is, I found, more common than one would expect.

The winter holidays are upon us, the year is coming to the end and with it, self evaluation and planning for the new year ahead. Although it can be an exciting time it's also time to start new things... For some of us this is cause for dread.

It can feel as though we are this tiny person at the bottom of a long staircase looking up to the top and wondering how the bloody hell are we going to get there. Well that's where the problem lie, we should be looking to the next step, not the top! The top is daunting, it seems so far away that we stop before even starting. So, when you have a goal, say a career change, get into good physical shape, start a business, a blog, whatever it is, ask yourself what is the next step, and do that. One step at the time is going to take you to the top eventually, not jumping from bottom to the top in one leap.



                                                                        What is it

Self-doubting thoughts like "I don't know enough", "I don't look a certain way", "who am I to do that", "why would people even care", "they'll find out I'm just winging it", "my ideas aren't original" (the list goes on) appear out of nowhere and slowly talk us out of whatever we endeavour. Specially in an era where many of us are self-taught...
To the "Impostor" however the need for control, and external validation will eventually lead to burnout.

Coming up roses. -book by Cath Kidston

Impostor Syndrome isn't considered a mental disorder or illness, at this time, but rather a concept that describes when individuals are unable to internalize their accomplishments and experience a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud". At first I thought that was something that affected more women, because they are perhaps more vocal about it, however it is known to affect both men and women in equal amounts but the way males process and act on it differ from females. It is common amongst high achievers...
Some professionals in the field of mental health believe it should be called the "Impostor Experience", as almost everyone experiences it at some point of their lives, so more specific wording would help us understand that we are not isolated cases therefore diminishing feelings of inadequacy and isolation.


 You can't help something you don't acknowledge, so first things first, you need to admit it to yourself first and foremost, only then you can start helping yourself.

Over working, perfectionism, avoidance of displaying confidence in ones abilities, feeling fake or phony, disregarding ones achievements as mere luck or anyone can do it, are some signs you might be experiencing "fraud" feelings. Of course it all depends on ones personality and background but if  those feelings go unnoticed they can cause you to feel anxiety, stress and sadness, and that is not how you want to start 2018!
                                                 
                                                                            Advice

I am by no means a professional in these matters (DISCLAIMER ALERT!), but I am a human being with some experience, so I would like to suggest some ideas that you can apply if you're feeling down or anxious due to worry related to Impostor Experience.

•    First, my friend, you can do it. You can do it and you will! You just have to commit to it.

•    Second, speak to someone you trust about it, sometimes just sharing makes you feel lighter and showing some vulnerability with someone might lead them to share something they've been stressing about as well. We can all be there for each other! If you don't have that person you feel comfortable to speak about these things, you can drop me an email, I'm more than happy to be that person for you :)

•    Third, you must have courage. Feel the fear, observe it and let it go.

•    Fourth, write down your feelings, organise your thoughts and take action. Enjoy the process not just the outcome.

•    Fifth, ask for help when you need. I know it's unthinkable for some people (guilty 😬) but asking for help, not only will make your task easier, it will also give others permission to ask you for help.

•    Lastly, this is crucial, if you feel you can't cope by yourself and certain low feelings just won't go away, just know that there is help and you might want to speak to your General Practitioner or call a helpline, there are some helpful ones HERE if you live in the UK, or look for contacts in your country.

Stay safe and as always...

much love,

Rita xx